Don't ask why..

Sometimes we are faced by not very good experiences in our lives.. sometimes we fail in somethings, sometimes we are hurt by others, sometimes we are put in embarrassing situations.. sometimes... sometimes..
& usually following those situations, we ask ourselves 'why that happened?'.. & many times we don't find clear answers... sure we tell ourselves 'Thank god', but many people just say that by only their tongues..

I just want to narrate a story that happened to me one day.. its not a big one, but it has a meaning to deliver..
One day while I was closing my car, I broke one of my car doors' lock from inside, that was followed by "oh no.. anyway, Thank god".. I was a bit upset cause I have to go somewhere to mend it & I didn't have much time..
Anyway, following that situation by a couple of days.. I had to go somewhere far so I parked my car in a place & took a bus.. anyway, I parked it at 8 am & went back at 9 pm.. when I was back there, I found that someone tried to steal my car.. he broke the small part of the back window in order to open it, but he couldn't break through because simply the door lock was broken at that side so he couldn't open it !!!!
without me breaking my car locks, the car would have been stolen.. At then the bit of annoyance I had when I broke the car lock days ago was turned to extreme gratefulness to Allah..

so, wt I want to say that sometimes we don't see why are those small things/situations happening, while if we saw the whole picture, we will truly understand the meaning of 'why'.. Most of the times we don't even see the 'whole picture', but then we should understand & believe that there are always reasons for every little thing happening and that Allah always brings the best for us..
so don't frown at other faces, they have nth to do with things happened or happening, even if they were a part of it.. Allah wants that to happen, There's a wisdom for that to happen..

Sometimes we pass through hard & bitter experiences just to make us strong enough.. imagine you are moving from first floor to the third floor.. you should pass by the second floor.. maybe that can be hard experience.. maybe you are faced by things you don't like.. but you'll never be in the third without passing by the second.. I mean that sometimes things happen to us just to make us ready for the next steps..

Anyway, Try to find sth positive in everything that happens to u even if u don't see it (I'm sure there is) & believe deeply that this is the best.. I appreciate that this is very hard sometimes.. but at least give it a try & don't ask why...

Fuzzy Thoughts(2)

72 posts till now & only 20 published...
I'm writing this post & not knowing what I am intending to write or why.. I even dunno if it is going to join the 52 drafts written before or not.. maybe... I dunno..

well, This is my final year at FCIS (in shaa Allah).. I have a huge mixture of feelings.. I feel I don't wanna leave college.. not because I love FCIS as much as I love the people in FCIS..
I love my dof3a.. I love my colleagues.. 7ata el mo3edeen wel doctors.. I appreciate many of them much & can't imagine the absence of some characters of them from my life..

"That's Life" as many people say.. but I don't accept that fact this time.. I can't imagine that by the end of this year I will close a whole chapter of my life & write on it "archive"..
It is true that this is not the first closed chapter, yet its the most affecting chapter in my whole life & it is difficult to see it being closed that easy... I still feel I just joined FCIS yesterday..

Although this is the final year, yet I don't feel I am effective in others life as I always hoped.. I always dreamed about leaving a footprint in FCIS ,but here we are in the final year & I still feel I didn't do much...

well, I just poured out some of the fuzzy thoughts going inside my mind.. All I can say that I will miss those days, I will even miss staying up till night going tasks & studying online with my friends.. I will miss everything.. so just let us enjoy it before time comes & everyone begins another new chapter in his life with none of us in it..

I still feel there's sth inside me that I can't express, but let that be in another post..
Thanks for listening/reading..

Fuzzy Thoughts(1)

I just felt I wanna write sth, but I dunno really what I want to say... neither do I know how to express..
Sometimes, we have fuzzy thoughts.. translating those thoughts to words is almost impossible.. you keep feeling something inside yet you can never pour it out..
Wish I can.. Wish I will...

Do3a2...

اللهم انى استغفرك مما تبت اليك منه ثم عدت فيه واستغفرك مما جعلته لك على نفسى ثم لم أوف به لك واستغفرك مما أنعمت به على فاستعنت به على معصيتك واستغفرك مما زعمت اني قصدت به وجهك فخالط قلبى فيه ما قد علمت

More than just a memory...

I can hear some voices around.. people talking.. I hardly recognize those voices although I am sitting in the middle of those people.. cause I am not staying in their world, I'm staying in my own world.. I am so much deep in thoughts.. Thinking.. THINKING.. T H I N K I N G...

I dunno, suddenly I remembered a situation that happened to me @ school in first preparatory I think.. ohh.. I almost forgot about that situation before...I dunno why I suddenly remembered that situation.. maybe feelings matching..
I remember that day when I was in my class sitting there during my French session.. waiting for the teacher to announce the best organized & neat copybooks.. I had a feeling inside that I will be among those ones cause simply I stayed all night organizing my copybook & completing the things I missed when I was sick the past week.. I had it so much colorful & organized...
The teacher started talking.. she said that she was glad from all the copybooks & that all of them were very good, except for 4 copybooks that were so bad, she was speechless about them..
she said that she's gonna say those 4 first before announcing the others.. the teacher started looking at the copybooks.. & here was the shock..."Roaa Mohammed, Stand up"
I really can't forget that moment.. I was SHOCKED with all the word means.. ME!!?? .. my heart was faaast beating.. my hands were shaking.. I don't remember the words the teacher altered, all I remember that she was shouting much & me can't even breathe from my shock.. I was wondering whyyyyyyy!!?.. wtever I did, I DON'T DESERVE this.. the reaction I got was so unexpected.. I felt nth but sitting down with the copybook thrown in my face...
I was so much hurt badly that I burst into tears... "I stayed allll night working on it, how could this be!"

After the 1-year long session ended, I decided to examine my copybook & check what was that so bad that I did.. & here is wt I found.. I was sick for a whole week & I copied the missing parts from a printed paper that my friend gave me, but my friend made some mistakes in printing so I had some parts missing.. that was wt made the teacher angry !!

I explained that to the teacher, she removed the mark from my copybook but the mark she made in my heart was still the same....
At that time, I thought I will never forgive that teacher, but I can tell u that by secondary I did forgive her..

It really hurts badly when you receive the opposite of what you deserve..

Finally, I'm sorry if I ever did that to anyone by mistake, I never do mean it to hurt anybody.. & also I'll try hard to forgive those who did the same to me.. maybe now I don't, but I am sure I will do that one day just like my teacher...

This post was written on a paper in my compiler section.. & those voices were simply the T.A & my colleagues voices..

My Pen..

I know I am not a good poet, but this is my way to try to express my feelings & thoughts.. I know I am not good in expressing that in human language.. so today I sat down trying to express, but unfortunately I came out with those useless words...

I hold my pen to write some words
I don't know what my pen is heading towards
so I leave it to write with no constraints
but in the middle, my writing faints
cause my pen is unable to describe
& words are so difficult to even type
my pen stops & pauses for a little while
& thoughts flow in my head over like a pile
my hands become so weak that I let my pen go
& let my dripping tears, instead, flow
I try to grasp my pen all over again
trying to endure that feeling of pain
After an hour or two, my pen decides to start
to try to write some words, few lines apart
but again & again, my pen is paralyzed
cause some feelings are so hard to be realized
My pen loses hope to be able to express
& the more I feel now of pain & stress
so my pen returns again to my little case
Leaving me & my thoughts in an indescribable maze.

My Teacher...

I was taught a lot by a teacher called "Life"
She taught me a a lot of things about how to survive
she taught me to be tough so that I can live
but at the same time,be soft, & able to forgive
she taught me to dream, all my dreams are possible
but also put in mind that there are somethings impossible
she taught me there is always hope & never to give up
She taught me to keep on trying & never to stop
She taught me some sweet words like love & care
but also she taught me words like hatred & despair
She taught me to love my family & friends so much
but also be ready to lose them at any time as such
she taught me not to hide my feelings from anyone
but pretend to be strong when everyone around me has gone
she taught me that life has to go on, no matter what happens
No matter how many problems I face or how many troubles
She taught me to care about others & not to hurt anyone
but at the same time,endure the pain that others have done
she taught me to give away & not wait for anything in return
she taught me to be patient & to wait for things to come in turn
she taught me to listen to others & share them their pain
while keep my sorrow inside me even if that'll drive me insane
she taught me to love people, no matter how much they care
& always my happiness & gay, with them I should share
she taught me a lot of lessons that I will never forget
learning them was something that I will never regret.
& if you asked me about my teacher who taught me all that
I will tell you all I know about her is just a small fact;
She is a very hard & tough teacher who rarely knows fun
All her lessons are morals but each one of them is a bitter one

Written in Thursday, August 3, 2006.. Copyright Reserved