More than just a memory...

I can hear some voices around.. people talking.. I hardly recognize those voices although I am sitting in the middle of those people.. cause I am not staying in their world, I'm staying in my own world.. I am so much deep in thoughts.. Thinking.. THINKING.. T H I N K I N G...

I dunno, suddenly I remembered a situation that happened to me @ school in first preparatory I think.. ohh.. I almost forgot about that situation before...I dunno why I suddenly remembered that situation.. maybe feelings matching..
I remember that day when I was in my class sitting there during my French session.. waiting for the teacher to announce the best organized & neat copybooks.. I had a feeling inside that I will be among those ones cause simply I stayed all night organizing my copybook & completing the things I missed when I was sick the past week.. I had it so much colorful & organized...
The teacher started talking.. she said that she was glad from all the copybooks & that all of them were very good, except for 4 copybooks that were so bad, she was speechless about them..
she said that she's gonna say those 4 first before announcing the others.. the teacher started looking at the copybooks.. & here was the shock..."Roaa Mohammed, Stand up"
I really can't forget that moment.. I was SHOCKED with all the word means.. ME!!?? .. my heart was faaast beating.. my hands were shaking.. I don't remember the words the teacher altered, all I remember that she was shouting much & me can't even breathe from my shock.. I was wondering whyyyyyyy!!?.. wtever I did, I DON'T DESERVE this.. the reaction I got was so unexpected.. I felt nth but sitting down with the copybook thrown in my face...
I was so much hurt badly that I burst into tears... "I stayed allll night working on it, how could this be!"

After the 1-year long session ended, I decided to examine my copybook & check what was that so bad that I did.. & here is wt I found.. I was sick for a whole week & I copied the missing parts from a printed paper that my friend gave me, but my friend made some mistakes in printing so I had some parts missing.. that was wt made the teacher angry !!

I explained that to the teacher, she removed the mark from my copybook but the mark she made in my heart was still the same....
At that time, I thought I will never forgive that teacher, but I can tell u that by secondary I did forgive her..

It really hurts badly when you receive the opposite of what you deserve..

Finally, I'm sorry if I ever did that to anyone by mistake, I never do mean it to hurt anybody.. & also I'll try hard to forgive those who did the same to me.. maybe now I don't, but I am sure I will do that one day just like my teacher...

This post was written on a paper in my compiler section.. & those voices were simply the T.A & my colleagues voices..

My Pen..

I know I am not a good poet, but this is my way to try to express my feelings & thoughts.. I know I am not good in expressing that in human language.. so today I sat down trying to express, but unfortunately I came out with those useless words...

I hold my pen to write some words
I don't know what my pen is heading towards
so I leave it to write with no constraints
but in the middle, my writing faints
cause my pen is unable to describe
& words are so difficult to even type
my pen stops & pauses for a little while
& thoughts flow in my head over like a pile
my hands become so weak that I let my pen go
& let my dripping tears, instead, flow
I try to grasp my pen all over again
trying to endure that feeling of pain
After an hour or two, my pen decides to start
to try to write some words, few lines apart
but again & again, my pen is paralyzed
cause some feelings are so hard to be realized
My pen loses hope to be able to express
& the more I feel now of pain & stress
so my pen returns again to my little case
Leaving me & my thoughts in an indescribable maze.

My Teacher...

I was taught a lot by a teacher called "Life"
She taught me a a lot of things about how to survive
she taught me to be tough so that I can live
but at the same time,be soft, & able to forgive
she taught me to dream, all my dreams are possible
but also put in mind that there are somethings impossible
she taught me there is always hope & never to give up
She taught me to keep on trying & never to stop
She taught me some sweet words like love & care
but also she taught me words like hatred & despair
She taught me to love my family & friends so much
but also be ready to lose them at any time as such
she taught me not to hide my feelings from anyone
but pretend to be strong when everyone around me has gone
she taught me that life has to go on, no matter what happens
No matter how many problems I face or how many troubles
She taught me to care about others & not to hurt anyone
but at the same time,endure the pain that others have done
she taught me to give away & not wait for anything in return
she taught me to be patient & to wait for things to come in turn
she taught me to listen to others & share them their pain
while keep my sorrow inside me even if that'll drive me insane
she taught me to love people, no matter how much they care
& always my happiness & gay, with them I should share
she taught me a lot of lessons that I will never forget
learning them was something that I will never regret.
& if you asked me about my teacher who taught me all that
I will tell you all I know about her is just a small fact;
She is a very hard & tough teacher who rarely knows fun
All her lessons are morals but each one of them is a bitter one

Written in Thursday, August 3, 2006.. Copyright Reserved