Losing hope..

As I'm officially a graduate now, I had a flash back for my first days at college.. everything passed so quickly.. a lot has changed maybe & that's wt I wanted to dig for inside myself & figure it out..

I remember my first days at college, I was full of enthusiasm and hope.. I had that passion and energy to try to make a change in the community around.. I had hope that everything will go fine and with the help of all good people around, we will be better in shaa Allah.. I imagined that everything should go so smooth and fine.. I also saw people full of enthusiasm, & that gave me more energy to have more hope.. I remember my first summer vacation (when I was in first year), I spent it all in 'ACM training' with Dr Abdalla Gamal & in the 'Hacking tool box' sessions by Dr.Ahmed Safwat.. I saw hope in those people's eyes.. they had the passion to make a change.. & yeah.. those people used to make me feel there's hope..

.. But.. what truly happened inside me in those 4 years? .. mm.. I won't say I'm depressed, cause it is not that bad.. yet.. there's sth that changed inside me.. that 'hope' isn't there any more.. I felt like... mm.. I dunno..
One faced situations that made him see how much some people are so evil.. they are not only concerned by acting badly, they also prevent you from acting well.. In those 4 years I saw the people who used to give me hope, losing hope.. maybe they didn't, but that's the attitude I got.. and if they did feel so, they are right.. all circumstances here should make you feel so..

Small it is (our college community) in compared to our BIG community (Egypt), but I didn't feel much differences.. It is only a small clone.. Everything around you should lead you to great depression.. sometimes small things happen that awakens the hope inside you.. yet, most of the time you will just feel that you wanna let it all go !!

maybe I'm mistaken.. but that's how I felt the change in my attitude towards life in general after 4 years in FCIS.. I still have hope we can change, yet I'm now aware that we are not living in Utopia after all and I think the light of hope I see is not as sharp as I previously saw it 4 years ago...

المؤمن القوي خير وأحب إلي الله

By coincidence, I came through this article.. I liked it so much..

المؤمن القوي خير وأحب إلي الله .. د.يوسف القرضاوي

ألهاكم التكاثر

أكيد اللي هيقرا البوست ده هيستغرب جدا لإني عمري ما كتبت بالعربي.. هو أنا حسيت ان انا مينفعش اكتب عن الموضوع ده غير بالعربي
المهم.. أنا بعد ما قريت اللي أسماء كتباه افتكرت موضوع انا طول عمري نفسي اتكلم عليه.. و هو تفسير الأية ::

{قال تعالى: { ألهاكم التكاثر حتّى زرتم المقابر

انا من الناس اللي لما كنت بقرا الأية ديه, اللي بييجي في ذهني علطول كمعنى للأية هو أن الناس بتتشغل بإنها يبقي عندهم أولاد كتير و بعدين يبقى عندهم أحفاد و هكذا.. لحد ما مرة سمعت تفسير الأية من حد (لا أتذكره الأن) بيقول تفسير تاني مقنع اكتر من نفسيري العظيم

التكاثر :: كلمة واحدة صحيح بس لو فكرت فيها هتلاقى كذا معنى
التكاثر في الأموال , التكاثر في العلم, التكاثر في الذرية, التكاثر في الشهادات... التكاثر ..التكاثر في حاجات كتير
و ده فعلا صحيح جدا.. اى واحد فينا هيلاقي نفسه مقضي حياته كلها في الدراسة و البيت و الشغل و .. و حاجات كتير كلها لغرض واحد هو انه يبقى أحسن, أو يكسب فلوس أكتر, أو يعرف أكتر.. و كلها حاجات تقع تحت كلمة التكاثر

اد ايه انا بقيت احس بالأية ديه كل لما أقرأها دلوقتي.. و اد ايه بقيت انتبه ان الحاجات ديه متشغلنيش علشان الجزء التاني من الآية حتّى زرتم المقابر

يا رب الكلام ده يبقى مفيد لأى حد.. و يا رب مفيش حاجة تشغلنا ابدا عن ذكر الله.. و عذرا على لغتي العربية الفصيحة

Your battery needs to be replaced !!

A couple of weeks ago, my laptop battery suddenly went down & just works for a couple of mins then the battery is empty.. later on whenever I open my laptop (working on the AC), a warning pop up in my face saying..

"Your battery needs to be replaced !!"

Actually, for me this is more than just a warning cause I felt the warning is not about the laptop only.. I felt that MY battery also need to be replaced !!
Of course human being doesn't need batteries to work.. ha !! .. but sometimes there are things that gives us motives to go on & encourage us to keep on moving.. Those tiny little things are sometimes like batteries for us.. losing those "things" make us moving slowly, with no enthusiasm, depressed.. etc..
Currently -after about 4 years in college- , I feel I'm tired from the college's endless cycle.. I'm tired of studying.. I'm tired of reading.. I'm even tired of writing in this blog !! ..
I dunno why.. but I'm just like my laptop's battery.. suddenly, bad performance !!

I think wt the one really needs is sitting down with his own self 'recharging' his batteries.. but I think sometimes recharging isn't much helpful -like my state now-.. so here comes again the importance of the warning "your battery needs to be replaced !!"

It is good to remember the importance of replacing my battery each time I open that laptop.. & I think I should be replacing it soon.. in shaa allah..

Anyway, just fuzzy thoughts as usual...

Don't ask why..

Sometimes we are faced by not very good experiences in our lives.. sometimes we fail in somethings, sometimes we are hurt by others, sometimes we are put in embarrassing situations.. sometimes... sometimes..
& usually following those situations, we ask ourselves 'why that happened?'.. & many times we don't find clear answers... sure we tell ourselves 'Thank god', but many people just say that by only their tongues..

I just want to narrate a story that happened to me one day.. its not a big one, but it has a meaning to deliver..
One day while I was closing my car, I broke one of my car doors' lock from inside, that was followed by "oh no.. anyway, Thank god".. I was a bit upset cause I have to go somewhere to mend it & I didn't have much time..
Anyway, following that situation by a couple of days.. I had to go somewhere far so I parked my car in a place & took a bus.. anyway, I parked it at 8 am & went back at 9 pm.. when I was back there, I found that someone tried to steal my car.. he broke the small part of the back window in order to open it, but he couldn't break through because simply the door lock was broken at that side so he couldn't open it !!!!
without me breaking my car locks, the car would have been stolen.. At then the bit of annoyance I had when I broke the car lock days ago was turned to extreme gratefulness to Allah..

so, wt I want to say that sometimes we don't see why are those small things/situations happening, while if we saw the whole picture, we will truly understand the meaning of 'why'.. Most of the times we don't even see the 'whole picture', but then we should understand & believe that there are always reasons for every little thing happening and that Allah always brings the best for us..
so don't frown at other faces, they have nth to do with things happened or happening, even if they were a part of it.. Allah wants that to happen, There's a wisdom for that to happen..

Sometimes we pass through hard & bitter experiences just to make us strong enough.. imagine you are moving from first floor to the third floor.. you should pass by the second floor.. maybe that can be hard experience.. maybe you are faced by things you don't like.. but you'll never be in the third without passing by the second.. I mean that sometimes things happen to us just to make us ready for the next steps..

Anyway, Try to find sth positive in everything that happens to u even if u don't see it (I'm sure there is) & believe deeply that this is the best.. I appreciate that this is very hard sometimes.. but at least give it a try & don't ask why...

Fuzzy Thoughts(2)

72 posts till now & only 20 published...
I'm writing this post & not knowing what I am intending to write or why.. I even dunno if it is going to join the 52 drafts written before or not.. maybe... I dunno..

well, This is my final year at FCIS (in shaa Allah).. I have a huge mixture of feelings.. I feel I don't wanna leave college.. not because I love FCIS as much as I love the people in FCIS..
I love my dof3a.. I love my colleagues.. 7ata el mo3edeen wel doctors.. I appreciate many of them much & can't imagine the absence of some characters of them from my life..

"That's Life" as many people say.. but I don't accept that fact this time.. I can't imagine that by the end of this year I will close a whole chapter of my life & write on it "archive"..
It is true that this is not the first closed chapter, yet its the most affecting chapter in my whole life & it is difficult to see it being closed that easy... I still feel I just joined FCIS yesterday..

Although this is the final year, yet I don't feel I am effective in others life as I always hoped.. I always dreamed about leaving a footprint in FCIS ,but here we are in the final year & I still feel I didn't do much...

well, I just poured out some of the fuzzy thoughts going inside my mind.. All I can say that I will miss those days, I will even miss staying up till night going tasks & studying online with my friends.. I will miss everything.. so just let us enjoy it before time comes & everyone begins another new chapter in his life with none of us in it..

I still feel there's sth inside me that I can't express, but let that be in another post..
Thanks for listening/reading..

Fuzzy Thoughts(1)

I just felt I wanna write sth, but I dunno really what I want to say... neither do I know how to express..
Sometimes, we have fuzzy thoughts.. translating those thoughts to words is almost impossible.. you keep feeling something inside yet you can never pour it out..
Wish I can.. Wish I will...