More than just a memory...

I can hear some voices around.. people talking.. I hardly recognize those voices although I am sitting in the middle of those people.. cause I am not staying in their world, I'm staying in my own world.. I am so much deep in thoughts.. Thinking.. THINKING.. T H I N K I N G...

I dunno, suddenly I remembered a situation that happened to me @ school in first preparatory I think.. ohh.. I almost forgot about that situation before...I dunno why I suddenly remembered that situation.. maybe feelings matching..
I remember that day when I was in my class sitting there during my French session.. waiting for the teacher to announce the best organized & neat copybooks.. I had a feeling inside that I will be among those ones cause simply I stayed all night organizing my copybook & completing the things I missed when I was sick the past week.. I had it so much colorful & organized...
The teacher started talking.. she said that she was glad from all the copybooks & that all of them were very good, except for 4 copybooks that were so bad, she was speechless about them..
she said that she's gonna say those 4 first before announcing the others.. the teacher started looking at the copybooks.. & here was the shock..."Roaa Mohammed, Stand up"
I really can't forget that moment.. I was SHOCKED with all the word means.. ME!!?? .. my heart was faaast beating.. my hands were shaking.. I don't remember the words the teacher altered, all I remember that she was shouting much & me can't even breathe from my shock.. I was wondering whyyyyyyy!!?.. wtever I did, I DON'T DESERVE this.. the reaction I got was so unexpected.. I felt nth but sitting down with the copybook thrown in my face...
I was so much hurt badly that I burst into tears... "I stayed allll night working on it, how could this be!"

After the 1-year long session ended, I decided to examine my copybook & check what was that so bad that I did.. & here is wt I found.. I was sick for a whole week & I copied the missing parts from a printed paper that my friend gave me, but my friend made some mistakes in printing so I had some parts missing.. that was wt made the teacher angry !!

I explained that to the teacher, she removed the mark from my copybook but the mark she made in my heart was still the same....
At that time, I thought I will never forgive that teacher, but I can tell u that by secondary I did forgive her..

It really hurts badly when you receive the opposite of what you deserve..

Finally, I'm sorry if I ever did that to anyone by mistake, I never do mean it to hurt anybody.. & also I'll try hard to forgive those who did the same to me.. maybe now I don't, but I am sure I will do that one day just like my teacher...

This post was written on a paper in my compiler section.. & those voices were simply the T.A & my colleagues voices..

My Pen..

I know I am not a good poet, but this is my way to try to express my feelings & thoughts.. I know I am not good in expressing that in human language.. so today I sat down trying to express, but unfortunately I came out with those useless words...

I hold my pen to write some words
I don't know what my pen is heading towards
so I leave it to write with no constraints
but in the middle, my writing faints
cause my pen is unable to describe
& words are so difficult to even type
my pen stops & pauses for a little while
& thoughts flow in my head over like a pile
my hands become so weak that I let my pen go
& let my dripping tears, instead, flow
I try to grasp my pen all over again
trying to endure that feeling of pain
After an hour or two, my pen decides to start
to try to write some words, few lines apart
but again & again, my pen is paralyzed
cause some feelings are so hard to be realized
My pen loses hope to be able to express
& the more I feel now of pain & stress
so my pen returns again to my little case
Leaving me & my thoughts in an indescribable maze.

My Teacher...

I was taught a lot by a teacher called "Life"
She taught me a a lot of things about how to survive
she taught me to be tough so that I can live
but at the same time,be soft, & able to forgive
she taught me to dream, all my dreams are possible
but also put in mind that there are somethings impossible
she taught me there is always hope & never to give up
She taught me to keep on trying & never to stop
She taught me some sweet words like love & care
but also she taught me words like hatred & despair
She taught me to love my family & friends so much
but also be ready to lose them at any time as such
she taught me not to hide my feelings from anyone
but pretend to be strong when everyone around me has gone
she taught me that life has to go on, no matter what happens
No matter how many problems I face or how many troubles
She taught me to care about others & not to hurt anyone
but at the same time,endure the pain that others have done
she taught me to give away & not wait for anything in return
she taught me to be patient & to wait for things to come in turn
she taught me to listen to others & share them their pain
while keep my sorrow inside me even if that'll drive me insane
she taught me to love people, no matter how much they care
& always my happiness & gay, with them I should share
she taught me a lot of lessons that I will never forget
learning them was something that I will never regret.
& if you asked me about my teacher who taught me all that
I will tell you all I know about her is just a small fact;
She is a very hard & tough teacher who rarely knows fun
All her lessons are morals but each one of them is a bitter one

Written in Thursday, August 3, 2006.. Copyright Reserved

Be Like a Pencil..

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting it into the box.. & spoke to it.. "There are 5 things you need to know, before I send you out into the world... Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a
better pencil.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.

And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.

---

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you; always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems, but you'll need it to become a stronger person.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.

And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

The previous story was copied.. but I have a final comment.. Allah created each of us for a reason... & each of us has different talents.. so use them & endure anything that happens to u.. & keep that belief inside u.. & do everything while having a meaningful purpose in your heart... Just like a Pencil.. :)

Allah is always there..

Just thought about sharing this poem.. I wrote it last june

Allah is always there....

When u feel depressed or annoyed
& that all your dreams are destroyed
Just remember a fact which is very true
that Allah is always there for you
Allah always brings the best to us
That's a fact you should always trust
But that fact we hardly realized
cause blesses are usually disguised
& also we are always in a hurry
we fear too much & always worry
But if you truly left, to Allah, your burden
& be accepting what he will bring for certain
Then be sure that he will never let you
& that Allah will bring the best to you
For every little thing that made you sad
& those hard times that you ever had
be sure that everything has a reason behind
Allah knows better, just keep in mind
That painful wound you had yesterday
was a reason to make you stronger today
& that situation that happened to you
was to make you realize some fake people around you
& that thing that made you cry one day
was a message from Allah to get back to the right way
& many more of those things we thought
were blocking the way to the happiness we sought
But they just turn out to be the best for us
& that we needn't have made all that fuss
So despite winds of sadness that may blow
Just remember we are too ignorant to know
And whenever anything happens to you
Just remember that Allah is always there for you..

Dreams Vs. illusions

Everybody has dreams in his life, Some of them are based on current facts, some of them are just made up by his brain & imagination.. but in both cases, they are called "Dreams"..
I always believed that everyone should dream & that 'nothing is impossible' & that sort of things, but I was mistaken anyway..
Sometimes we give some dreams more than reality can give.. that they turn out to be 'illusions'.. we keep following 'illusions' till we find out that they are false... but when do we find out that ??.. usually too late..
who said "nothing is impossible' was simply lying or at least that's an illusion he wanted people to believe in.. but its not true, There are somethings impossible.. Its never logic for a human being to be able to move a mountain for example !!

I don't say to you not to dream.. no, dream.. but don't dream much cause in this case your dreams will turn to be just illusions.. & then it will really hurt badly...

Imagine the feeling of a person walking for months to reach a bottle of water in the desert, & when he reaches there, it turned to be nth at the end.. just his own illusions..

so finally life taught me to Dream, but not much..

Words...

I read those words & I truly liked & felt them.. Although I have a small modification to it, I think we should say ما أصعب & not ما أجمل (if u considered it from the "I" perspective not "people" perspective)

ما أجمل أن تتسامح وأنت تتألم.. وأن تصمت وأنت بحاجه للكلام ..وأن تفرح والحزن يخيم بك... وأن تضحك وعيناك بحاجة للبكاء